


Torn from within

by TheSwahn



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:37:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwahn/pseuds/TheSwahn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akashi is starting to feel an unwelcome presence inside him and is worried. He goes to Kuroko for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn from within

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the knb Secret Santa project with dailykiseki.  
> My giftee wanted akakuro with angst and some smut, so I hope I did it okay ;v;  
> I honestly don't feel too confident about this fic since I had to rush to finish, but I did my best and hope people like it.

It’s amazing how fragile a human mind is. A person can seem strong, confident, happy or intelligent from the outisde and yet they’re breaking apart inisde. And it takes so little to break a mind, but it’s almost impossible to mend one. With just a few well-hit, cruel words, you can tear someone’s confidence down to almost nothing and it will take a lifetime to build it up again.

Akashi didn’t know how or why it was happening and frankly, he didn’t want to think about that. All he knew was that he was hearing a familiar, yet unwelcome voice in his head, whispering words of anxiety and insecurities to him. He was back.

“You need me.” The voice whispered to him. “You are weak without me. Why don’t you accept me back?”

But Akashi refused to listen. He refused to even acknowledge its existence. Why was he back? Why was this happening now? He thought he was ‘fixed’ for good after the real him came back, but evidently not. It was a terror that constantly threatened his sanity and Akashi had no idea what to do about it. How could he? He had no control over his mind anymore aparently. When it split in the first place, it happened long ago when he didn’t even realize what was happening, and now he thought there was nothing in his life to cause him such stress, but there must be something.

His bedroom was dark and quiet tiny specks of dust shimmering in the little light that came from the streetlamps and other houses outside, there was no moonlight that night. The only sounds that could be heard in the room were the desperate whispers of the teenage boy, trying to make the voices in his head go away.

“No. I don’t need you anymore. I came back. I became free.” He muttered, pacing around the space, unable to keep still.

“Maybe you were, but not anymore. Admit it, you’re scared.” The voice echoed back to him and Akashi didn’t want to hear any more.

“Shut up!” He suddenly yelled, grabbing at his own hair. Why couldn’t he just be alone? Why couldn’t he just be normal for once? Akashi would give everything to live as a normal, average boy. He tried to remain calm, to keep his dignity at all times as his upbringing dictated, but his ‘problem’ was driving him insane.

A cold wind was howling outside his window, accompanied of the echoing of feet pacing back and forth in the dark room, quiet mutters and fiddling fingers unable to keep still. His heart was hammering in his chest from fear and panick, feeling like it was threatening to burst at any moment.

“Calm down…” He whispered to himself, taking deep breaths. He was determined not to give in. There must be something that could help him…

When Akashi himself, the real him was brought back, he was playing Seirin in a basketball game and… of course. Kuroko. It was him who brought the real Akashi back and helped him. After that game, they became quite close and after some time, their relationship escalated and they eventually became lovers. Well in the certain extent that the word allowed, they had kissed and shared each other’s feelings, maybe some touching, but nothing more than that. Maybe ‘boyfriend’ would be a more accurate term, though Akashi thought the word sounded childish.

The time had been quite nice actually and he felt that he could relax his shoulders more, so to speak, but lately, now that Akashi’s conciousness had started falling apart again, he hadn’t talked to Kuroko in a while.  
But maybe he could help him..? He felt pathetic and weak for asking someone for help about this, but he was starting to get desperate and didn’t have much choice.

___________________________________________________

The wind was getting so strong that night that Kuroko couldn’t sleep. It was starting to get really late, but the loud noises kept him awake and he was just lying in bed, thinking about different things.

Akashi hadn’t spoken to him in a while now… There could be many reasons for that and Kuroko tried not to be too paranoid, telling himself that he was probably just busy of had a lot to think about.

But a small part of him, gnawing at the back of his mind couldn’t help thinking it was because of another reason. That maybe Kuroko was too boring, he wasn’t the most exciting person if he was honest with himself.. Or that he had found someone else he liked better. After all, many people admired Akashi and he was quite popular. These thoughts swirled through his head, but he couldn’t bare to think them for too long at a time, they were just too painful. He would be thoroughly heartbroken if any of these thoughts became reality.

Of course, Kuroko could take matters into his own hands and call Akashi himself, but he was too scared of the truth to do so.

Kuroko’s thought process was abruptly ended however when a loud knock on his door startled him, making him jolt up in the bed. Then he heard another knock. Who on earth would knock on his door in the middle of the night? Was it a burglar? No but why would a burglar knock though.. Walking cautiously towards the front door, he peaked in the hole and gasped, opening right away.

“Akashi-kun! What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in..?” The redhaired teenager, Kuroko’s boyfriend asked, but his voice was low and careful, maybe even hesitant. He could immediately sense that something was wrong, because why else would he come to his house in the middle of the night instead of just give him a call or send a text.

“Come on, let’s go in my room.” He said once Akashi was inside and guided him to his bedroom. It had been weeks since they last spoke, so this was quite a surprise for Kuroko. Akashi also didn’t seem to be acting like himself. He seemed to be on edge, not really sitting still and always fiddling with something, either his fingers, or biting his lip or shuffling his feet. Akashi was never like this and it worried Kuroko. He was always so calm and composed, it was nerv-wrecking to see him like this.

“Akashi-kun what happened?” He asked in a soft voice as they were seated on his bed and touched his arm.

Akashi didn’t answer for a moment, as if deciding if he should or shouldn’t tell, before he said in a quiet and measured voice, “I need help Kuroko.. He’s back. I can hear him in my head.”

It didn’t take long for Kuroko to understand the significance of those words and he could feel his heart drop to his stomach. So this is why he’d been distant..

“Tell me everything.” He said and Akashi started explaining when it had started, how it had escalated, what he heard and what he was scared of.

“I don’t want him to take over again.” The redhaired boy said at the end of his explanation. “I want to stay like this, but I don’t know how to fix it. What should I do Tets.. Kuroko?”

He knew that Akashi wanted to use his last name to show that this was the real him talking, not ‘the other one’ but after they became closer, he was slipping in between names. Kuroko liked it when he called him Tetsuya the best, because it felt special, but he didn’t say anything, not wanting to pressure him.

“Akashi-kun..” Kuroko said calmly and took his hand, holding it gently in his own. “Maybe you should accept him?” When he saw the look of panic in his lover’s face, he quickly continued.

“I mean you should acknowledge him, not let him take over. He is part of you as you are part of him, you are one and the same. Isn’t it time that you accept him as part of yourself? Because I love both of you equally, to me you are Akashi-kun no matter what.”

Akashi fell silent, but his face softened and he looked like he was thinking it over.

“Maybe you’re right..” He murmured, squeezing Kuroko’s hand lightly, and then to his surprise.. “I missed you.”

“Really?” He said, blue eyes widening slightly.

“Yes.” Moving a little closer, Akashi then placed a hand on his cheek and leaned in. It felt so warm and comfortable there that he wanted to nuzzle into it, but stayed still.

“Can I kiss you?” The boy in front of him asked and he nodded for a yes, thinking ‘Of course you can, please do.’

It felt like years since they last kissed when their lips met, and Kuroko sighed against him, almost right away draping his arms around the other’s neck. Taking this as a sign, Akashi pulled him closer with a hand on his neck and parted their lips by smoothly pushing his tongue into his mouth.

“Mh..” It felt so good that Kuroko couldn’t help the small sound that escaped him and before he knew it, their tongues were tangling together in full-mouthed and breathy kisses, both of them craving more. Akashi’s touch felt soo hot desperate, and yet full of caring and love. Like if he didn’t get as much as possible now, he would never be able to. Which was a bit silly in itself, but made Kuroko melt in his arms, his whole body yearning for more.

When warm hands slipped right under his shirt, touching the skin of waist, he gasped and pulled back, staring into red eyes. From the look in those eyes and the way he was tugging lightly on the hemline of his t-shirt, he could tell Akashi was asking for permission and he raised his arms over his head, allowing him to pull it off.

“Oh..” Akashi hummed when he stared at his exposed upper body, making Kuroko blush lightly, but then those warm, gentle hands stroke slowly over his chest, caressing pale, soft skin and he gasped softly once more. “You are beautiful.” Akashi murmured in a low voice and leaned in to kiss his neck.

Whimpering, Kuroko felt his heart beat faster, but the fact that he was only in underwear (since he usually slept in just underwear and a t-shirt) and Akashi was still fully dressed, made him feel slightly selfconsious, so he started tugging at Akashi’s clothing and the he helped him peel off the layers until they were equally naked. By now, Kuroko had leaned back on his back with Akashi over him, but the redhaired suddenly stopped then.

“Tets.. Kuroko.”

“Call me Tetsuya.”

“Tetsuya. I want to do things to you.. to touch you more, and if I don’t stop now I’m afraid I will lose control. But I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or to pressure you..”

“It’s alright.” Kuroko interrupted before he could say any more. I want to do it with you Akashi-kun, so please..”

Nodding, Akashi smiled as if accepting his wish and gently tugged at his underwear. Kuroko nodded even if he was a little embarrassed and Akashi slipped it off him, his already wet erection springing free. Akashi’s red eyes watched him like a predator and when he touched the tip of his leaking cock with a finger, Kuroko moaned, arching his back slightly.

“Akashi-kun..”

“I’ve wanted to touch you like this for so long.” He admitted, rubbing into the slit more and Kuroko blushed, his breath becoming heavier.

“Here..” He said, reaching under his pillow and took out a small bottle of lube, handing it to him.

“You are well prepared I see.” He chuckled softly and opened it to slick some over his fingers.

“Stop teasing me please. Isn’t it normal to touch yourself sometimes..”

“Indeed.” Leaning down, Akashi kissed his neck again as he spread his legs and started rubbing circles into his tight hole.

“Nh!” The boy under him moaned softly, wrapping his arms around Akashi’s shoulder’s. He had tried to finger himself a few times, curious as any teenage boy and it felt nice enough, but it was so much different when someone else was touching there and he tried to relax his body as best as he could, allowing him to push a finger in and started thrusting gently.

It was weird how scared he had been, thinking about this situation beforehand and yet now it felt so natural, but at the same time, he was nervous. The most intimate they had been before had been just making out and touching each other outside clothes and underwear, but never like this. Akashi was surprisingly gentle, doing everything slow but still firm, making Kuroko feel so good and warm and when he had three fingers inside him, he couldn’t wait anymore.

“Akashi-kun please..” He begged, looking up to him with glossy blue eyes, pupils blown wide with arousal.

Taking the hint, Akashi gently pulled out the fingers and slipped off his own underwear and Kuroko couldn’t help but gasp when he saw him naked. He was bigger than he thought, concidering their height didn’t differ that much and yet, he wasn’t too big. Just.. perfect.

“Do you have condoms?” A voice asked and Kuroko shook his head lightly.

“What? Oh! Yes in that drawer.” He said pointing out the right one and Akashi smirked when he took one.

“You really are prepared.”

“Just stop talking Akashi-kun.”

“Call me Seijuurou.”

“Seijuurou..” He repeated and after putting on the condom, Akashi finally spread his legs and started pushing into him.

Luckily, it didn’t hurt so much since his lover prepared him so well and thoroughly, but it still felt a little strange and he gasped in response.

“Are you okay?” The man over him asked and he nodded.

“Yes. I’m okay..”

When Akashi started moving Kuroko wrapped his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck, breathing hot against his lips. It felt so amazing to be so close to someone, to feel every part of him and to feel Akashi move inside him.

“Ah!” Suddenly his body jolted and he moaned embarrassingly loud when he thrusted into his prostate, shooting pleasure through his whole body.

“S-Sorry..” He huffed, but Akashi leaned down to kiss him hungrily, while thrusting harder.

“I want to hear you more Tetsuya.”

“Ah.. nh! Seijuurou!”

They both lost themselves, being taken over by pleasure and emotions and for a while, the only sounds that could be heard in the room was their hot breaths and moans and skin slapping against skin. Their bodies were pressed tightly against each other, sweat shining on hot skin in the darkness and hands roaming freely.

“S-Seijuurou I..!” Finally it was too much for Kuroko and before he could stop himself, he spilled hot liquid between them, dirtying their stomachs. 

“Ngh!” Akashi followed right after, filling the condom inside him and slowed down his movements, until he finally stopped, both of them breathing heavy.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, staring at each other in bliss and contentment, but then Akashi did something unexpected, by hugging Kuroko tight and hiding his face in his neck, whispering tenderly, “Tetsuya.. I love you.”

The words felt so emotional to him for some reason, that Kuroko whimpered and it brought some tears to his eyes. They had said it to each other before, but this time it felt more weighted, like a promise and declaration at the same time. Smiling with teary eyes and a beating heart, he stroke gently over the red hair and whispered back,

“I love you too Seijuurou. All of you.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've written about this pairing so critique is welcome! 
> 
> Merry christmas and happy new year to everyone!


End file.
